This was my face last week on Wednesday when I went to an event with Robb Report on how women shape opinion, culture, our economy and our world. I listened to four successful women speak about their achievements. One was the founder of Salt & Straw Ice Cream, another, Ceo of a global philanthropy group, a venture capitalist providing capital to minority owned companies and ahem .... an astronaut. So after everyone stood up and gave a twenty minute brief on their achievements and Ivy League schools I turned to my friend and made this face and said holy crap all I did today was make a big Twinkie.

And then I quickly yelled at myself and said why the hell, as women, are we all so hard on ourselves? I went to an event that was supposed to inspire me to get creative and inventive and I left feeling a little inspired, but also just upset that I was not further along in life. Hell, I'm 35 and I have two babies and I feel like I have had my head punched in for the last three years trying to deal with a divorce, a parenting plan, back and forth schedule, nightmare emails, and every other emotional up and down that comes with a life that didn't didn't go as planned and when I finally stand up and dust myself off I am hit with the thought, "Damnit why is ....."Why is my renovation project taking so long? Why is my blog not growing faster? Why did I get mad at the kids ten minutes before bed because they were running around like crazy animals? Maybe I should have played with them a little longer outside instead of doing the laundry. Why can everyone else get so much done in a day? Why can't the freaking Food Network call me and be like heyyyy we want a blonde girl that likes to bake giant twinkies to come on our show!? 

At the end of the day I think most of us are doing the best we can and you can't compare yourself to everyone else. You gotta be good, do good, and good will come back to you. And if giant Twinkie recipes are how you shape the world then so be it. You do you. 

Giant Twinkie

Cake ingredients
2 cups cake flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup butter
1 1/2 cups white sugar
8 egg yolks
3/4 cup milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
 
Filling ingredients
1/8 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup shortening
1/4 cup butter, room temperature
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325°. Line a large loaf pan with parchment paper or apply a light coating of non-stick spray OR take a large shoe box and cover inside and out completely with several layers of heavy duty aluminum foil. Add an additional 2 layers of foil inside making a more rounded Twinkie-shaped mold. Spray generously with non-stick spray and set aside.

2. Sift together the flour, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Set aside

3. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg yolks one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Beat in the flour mixture alternately with the milk, mixing just until incorporated.

4. Pour cake mix into prepared pan. Bake at 325° for 45-50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove from oven and allow to cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes then remove from pan or mold, place on plate and set aside to cool completely.

5. To make the cream filling, whisk together the flour and milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly for about two minutes until thickened. Set aside to cool completely. 

6. Once the flour and milk mixture has cooled, beat the 1/2 cup shortening, butter, sugar and vanilla on high speed for about two minutes until light and fluffy. Add the milk mixture and continue to beat for 2 more minutes.

7. Fit a piping bag with a large round tip. Fill bag with cream filling mixture. Invert cake and gently pipe filling into 3 separate spots. Don't fill to quickly or your Twinkie will "pop".  Flip cake back over and serve.

TIP: By the way, we used a shoe box and unwrapped the foil when done and it was still in perfect shape.