About three weeks ago I slipped down my staircase and ate sh*t. My entire butt was bruised and I was pretty sure in that moment I was about to die all alone at the bottom of my staircase. I decided to hold on to the railing from now on ... until last night when I was rushing and I did it again. I have decided I need Life Alert. I am at the age where death by staircase is a possibility. I live all alone and on the days when my kids are at their Dad's house there is a chance no one would find me for hours until Karen comes at 8 am the next morning ... crumpled up in my lamb pajamas clutching my keyboard waffle iron no doubt. Getting old is terrible. I am 34, I have these weird wrinkles forming on the side of my face, I have to take Iron pills every single day, and now I need Life Alert. Holy heaven help me. 

P.S. This dip dyed sweatshirt is easy and it will look fabulous paired with a Life Alert necklace. Scroll down for the tutorial.

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